Lovers in islam
Surah Al-Baqarah, the second chapter of the Quran, is the longest chapter and is also known as the climax of the Quran. This Surah encompasses many overarching themes of the Muslim identity. In this blog post, I'm going to talk about intimacy and love in Islam, using tafsir from Bayyinah TV by Nouman Ali Khan.
In the sequence of Surah Al-Baqarah, the first time Allah addresses men and women in marriage is in the verse where He talks about sihr (magic).
"They followed what the devils had recited during the reign of Solomon. It was not Solomon who disbelieved, but the devils disbelieved, teaching people magic and that which was revealed to the two angels at Babylon, Harut and Marut. But the two angels did not teach anyone unless they said, 'We are only a trial, so do not disbelieve [by practicing magic].' Yet they learn from them that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife. But they do not harm anyone through it except by Allah’s permission. And they learn what harms them and does not benefit them. But they surely knew that whoever purchased the magic would not have any share in the Hereafter. And wretched is that for which they sold themselves, if they only knew."
Surah Al-Baqarah (2:102)
This is interesting because magic can be used for many different things, but Allah specifically mentions magic causing separation between a husband and his wife. This is important because, as we will see in later verses, there is a sacred and significant bond in marriage that Allah speaks highly of. In this verse, He is warning us that the most dangerous thing magic can do is break up a husband and wife—and to Allah, that is a big deal.
Why is marriage so sacred to Allah? Because through marriage not only are individual spiritual, emotional and physical needs fulfilled, but nations and communities are built from marriages.
The next time Allah addresses marriage is in this verse:
"It has been made permissible for you to be intimate with your wives during the nights of fasting. They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them..."
Surah Al-Baqarah (2:187)
This verse, on a surface level, may simply seem like Allah is saying intimacy is allowed during Ramadan, but it’s actually deeper than that. During Ramadan, Shaytaan is locked up. Shaytaan is the one who teaches magic, which Allah tells us causes separation between a man and a woman. Ramadan, as most people know, is the most sacred month for Muslims and is the month in which the Quran was revealed. For this beautifully sacred month to include intimacy with your spouse is remarkable and was quite revolutionary during that time. Before Islam, there was Christianity, and with it came a monastic tradition that taught complete spiritual purity could only be achieved through abstinence from all worldly pleasures, including sexual intimacy. When the Quran was revealed to our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW), telling us to enjoy the company of our spouses during the most sacred month of the year, that was a revolutionary shift, allowing Islam to be a religion that balances both spiritual and bodily desires in a beautifully balanced way.
Another key point in this specific verse is that Allah uses the word “rafath” (رَفَثَ), which translates to uttering foul and lewd speech, meaning to say “dirty” words or talk “dirty.” It also means to talk sensuously to one’s wife in a romantic and explicit language.
Another key point to mention is the wording of this ayat translates to "the night of the fast," not "the nights" (plural) of the fast. The symbolism in this is to act as though this is the only night you have with your wife, so that every night becomes special in the sacred month of Ramadan.
Next Allah says:
"They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them."
Surah Al-Baqarah (2:187)
In popular tafseer, the idea is that the spouse covers for you just like clothing covers you, meaning personal secrets and flaws should be covered by spouses. In return, your spouse should cover for you as well. However, according to Ibn ʿĀshūr, the word "لِبَاس" (libās) means being completely intertwined, as if you can’t tell one from the other. It’s also used for the word "confusion" because clarity, in Arabic, is when things are separate, while confusion is when things are mixed together. According to Nouman Ali Khan, the symbolism of "you are a garment for each other" is deeply symbolic, representing being so closely intimate with your spouse that you’re on each other like clothes.
Then Allah says:
"Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers."
Surah Al-Baqarah (2:223)
The common misconception about this ayah is that women are just baby-making machines, but Nouman Ali Khan offers a different meaning for this ayah. He says that the symbolism here is that when a farmer puts a seed in the ground, he has to take care of that soil—he has to soften the soil, remove impurities from it, and protect that soil constantly. He has to take delicate care every time he plants a seed. So, this actually describes how delicate, loving, careful, cautious, and precious intimacy with your spouse is supposed to be. A farmer isn’t reckless when he plants a seed, so this ayah symbolizes the loving nature of a husband toward his wife.
To add to this concept of delicateness in intimacy, I’m going to mention two hadiths.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says:
"None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there be a messenger between you." They asked, "What is the messenger, O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "Kisses and words."
Narrated by Al-Daylami in Musnad al-Firdaws
2. In another hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says:
"When one of you has sexual relations with his wife, let him be truthful and sincere with her. If he attains his desire before her, he should not rush her until she also attains her desire."
Reported by Al-Tabarani in Al-Awsat
Lastly, towards the end of the chapter, Allah talks about divorce. During the time of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), there were many disputes between married couples, which sometimes led to divorce. So, Allah sent down regulations regarding this subject. The most important one I want to speak about is:
"Divorce is twice. Then, either retain [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment..."
Surah Al-Baqarah (2:229)
After the third divorce, the couple cannot remarry unless the woman marries another man and that marriage ends naturally (without being a prearranged contract to make her lawful again). This is important because, during that time, men used to pay another man to marry their ex-wife just so they could claim they had followed the rule and could now remarry her. In response to this, the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:
"It was narrated that ‘A’ishah (RA) said: A woman was married to a man, and he divorced her three times. Then she married another man, and he divorced her before consummating the marriage. The Prophet (ﷺ) was asked, 'Can she return to her first husband?' He said, 'No, not until he tastes her sweetness (honey) and she tastes his sweetness (honey).'"
Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2639; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1433
This hadith is important because it emphasizes the “sweetness” of intimacy, showcasing sexual intercourse as a pleasing and fulfilling experience, rather than being solely for procreation.
How This Relates to Capitalism
Studies have shown that the presence of endocrine-disrupting chemicals (EDCs) can interfere with the body’s hormonal systems. This leads to problems in child development and reproductive issues.
A study published in Environmental Health Perspectives found that higher prenatal phthalate exposure (EDCs) was linked to shorter anogenital distance (AGD) and smaller penile size in male infants. Additionally, animal studies and some human data suggest that BPA exposure can alter breast tissue development and increase the risk of breast cancer later in life.
This hormonal imbalance disrupts the natural development of both men and women creating problems in desirability which ultimately lead to problems in intimacy. Not only does this disproportionately affect the poor, as access to organic and non-toxic products is often less accessible, but it disproportionately impacts Black communities. What affect does this have? This not only causes dissatisfaction and unfulfillment on an individual level, but it weakens the black community as a whole, thus putting the “racial” in Global Racial Capitalism.
What Can We Do?
In Islam, it's important for the husband to desire his wife and for the wife to desire her husband. This mutual attraction is rooted not only in spiritual connection but also in physical beauty. Therefore, beautifying ourselves is part of maintaining a healthy marital relationship.
In a past blog post, I discussed the commodification of beauty—how beauty is often manipulated to gain social capital in capitalist societies. A common misconception from that argument is the idea that the body isn’t important. However, in Islam, the body and the soul are both important, as the body and pleasure derived from the body is a gift from Allah. This is why Allah encourages intimacy with our spouses, even advising us to approach it every night in Ramadan as if it’s the only night, emphasizing the sacredness and intentionality of this bond. Allah is showing us that the santicty of marraige is so incredibly important because seperation between husband and wife leads to the destruction of nations. We live in a time where we have beauty influencers pushing a full protein diet, when they themselves don’t eat that. We live in a time where beauty influencers are telling girls to weight lift or go to pilates, when they themselves don’t do it. When a nation is strong, the father takes care of their daughters and passes her off to a husband that then takes care of her. The idea is that she doesn’t struggle or have to lift a finger and her beauty and honour is protected. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:
"Whoever has two daughters and takes good care of them will enter Paradise."
Sunan Abi Dawood, Book 43, Hadith 5147
This also why the covering of a woman holds significance. This is to prevent it from being commodified to fit into artificial societal standards of beauty and to maintain the sacredness of the bond between husband and wife. In Islam, beauty is not a commercial asset; it’s a natural part of human existence that is honored and preserved.
All in all, beautify yourselves, my sisters and brothers, so that we may see a world where Muslims aren’t just the foam on the sea, but the waves of the ocean.
"يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ"
Surah Al-Hujurat (49:13)
"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes so that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is All-Knowing and All-Aware."
References:
Bayyinah.tv
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6009831/
https://ehp.niehs.nih.gov/doi/full/10.1289/ehp.8100